Hello folks,
Joanna here and today we are going to talk about not feeling guilty… because right now, I feel a little guilty.
You may not have noticed but I have missed a couple uploads, and for once in my life it was NOT due to my professional level of procrastination. I spent the entire time feeling as though there was a blanket of guilt constantly crushing me. I felt the need to constantly apologise to Jade and I let the stress just get to me and as one does, I took the time to stare at the ceiling, reflect and now I am going to share the thoughts of that reflection with you lucky lot.
Now, I know I have no loyalties to anyone except myself and Jade where this blog is concerned but when I missed my uploads, I felt as though I had let myself down and Jade and possibly the one or two people who bothers to read all these. (Thanks babes). And do you want to know my main problem? Above feeling mega guilty? No? Well I am going to tell you anyway… What annoys me more than anything is, I know I have no legit reason to feel guilty.
Firstly, let’s be clear, if you do something that hurts another person physically or mentally then yes, you may warrant feeling guilty but let’s talk about that guilt you get when you let down the most important person… yourself.
Guilt is not a new obstacle for me, from procrastinating essays back in university to the time I accidentally gave a tourist the wrong directions, small incidents like these left guilt lingering even long after they were relevant. I know a counsellor would probably say that lingering guilt is probably a sign of something, and sometimes do warrant seeking professional help.
However, during my ceiling-staring time I attempted to come up with a step-by-step guide for getting over that guilt that has stuck around way passed it's welcome.
So here it is... Joanna's not so full proof plan for getting over guilt and getting on with life.
1. STOP... (hammer-time)
So you may have just remembered that one thing that's been eating away at yourself worth and calling you a terrible person and here is what we are going to do.
Stop.
Deep breath in (huge fan of deep breathing) and slow breath out.
May sound a little cliche but this ^ is probably the most important step, as the next step's won't work if you are not in a state calm.
2. Let's assess...
So now you are calm(ish), lets analyse whether or not holding on to this guilt is going to be beneficial in anyway. By that I mean, can you do anything to rectify the guilt or correct the situation now?
Example : Yes, this is the sort of petty stuff I harbour guilt over.
Can I go back 8 years and give the lovely couple who were trying to find the train station the correct directions now? No. (Unless... Doctor?) No I can't do that.
Now let's say you can rectify the situation, and by correcting your wrong's you actually will affect something current for the better... then just go do it. Obviously.
3. Forgive yourself.
You have come to the conclusion you can't change anything so now is the time to get over your guilt and forgive yourself and recognise the truth. When I say forgive yourself... I mean physically FORGIVE YOURSELF. In this case, actions are more powerful than your thoughts.
I personally tend to write the situation on a post-it note, write or say forgiven. You may prefer to stand in front of a mirror and talk to yourself, maybe write a full blown letter for more serious situations, or write a blog post...
4. Forget.
I know forgiving and forgetting isn't for everyone, but this is in terms of yourself so I think you need to give some allowances.
For me I would throw the post-it away because IT IS NOT WORTH HOLDING ON TO. End the conversation and say go bye, burn the letter, throw away an objects in relation to the guilt.
Now the previous steps have worked for me on several occasions now, and when I find myself thinking about the situations it certainly isn't with a sinking feeling in my gut. However...
5. When in doubt, talk it out.
If you are really struggling to forgive yourself and let it go, then talk to a professional. And in this instance I mean it, don't burden your friends as they may not be best place to advised you, but talk it out.
I suppose this has been more a little letter to myself to stop unnecessarily holding on to guilt, and my own way of getting over the specific guilt about not posting HOWEVER the steps do work for me and I hope the advice helps someone else. If you find they do, you may want to bookmark this web page for reference.
Anyway,
Till next time.
Joanna
DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional, however as I said , holding on to guilt can possibly be a symptom of something deeper so I urge you to seek professional help if you feel you may need it.
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